Getting gouged or finding value- what do YOU prefer?

A man shouldn’t even call himself a man unless he can, at the very least, be honest with himself. Do you agree with me so far? Look, you don’t have to agree with me. Don’t agree with me, that’s fine. As I’ve said elsewhere on this website, I’ve made a total mess of my own life, I’ve made every possible mistake in the book, in fact in my profound stupidity I’ve somehow managed to figure out ways of making new mistakes which weren’t even in the book in the first place. I’m a complete and total idiot. However, I try really hard to learn from my mistakes- I really, really do. And having made all of these countless mistakes, and having tried my best to learn and grow from them, I believe I’ve learned that no matter who you are, no matter how much money you have, no matter how much you can bench press, and no matter who you can beat up, you’re no goddamn man at all if you can’t even be honest with your own goddamn yourself. So be honest with yourself, or don’t even call yourself a man. Because if you can’t even be honest with yourself, then you ain’t SHIT.

Please be honest with yourself!

Now, since we’re trying to be honest with ourselves here, let’s take this one step further.

Sometimes, people seek value. And they feel happy when they find value! They get EXCITED when they believe they’ve found a really good deal. You know what I mean- it’s that quiet sense of contentment you feel when you’ve found a product that just does what it’s supposed to do, and does it at a fair price. Or better yet, it does what it’s supposed to do, and it costs LESS than what you know in your heart it’s really worth. IE, you look at that product, and you say to yourself, “damn, they should’ve charged me even MORE for that thing! That thing is GREAT!!!”

The fact that you got it at the price you got it for- i.e, the fact that you UNDERPAID for it, in the sense that in this world of filth and lies, where nothing anyone says anymore has any truth to it whatsoever, you paid X for a product, and in return you got back X PLUS Y in terms of value- the fact that you UNDERPAID for it gives you an ongoing sense of happiness and satisfaction. The thing is loyal to you, it never fails you, it just works, and every single time you look at it, you are reminded of how well you did with this particular item. It’s like a gift you gave yourself which keeps on giving to yourself.

For many many years I felt this way about the Casio G-Shock DW5600E-1V watch. No I’m not talking about the nonsense overpriced over the top $200 Casio G-Shock watches they’re selling these days, with solar power and atomic syncronization. What a bunch of hooey. The Casio G-Shock DW5600E-1V’s battery lasts at least five years, who the hell needs solar panels? And what happens when you throw your watch in a drawer for a week or so, where there’s no sunlight? Then what? Here is the legendary Casio I’m talking about:

Look, I’m not going to write a whole blog post about it- not now anyway- but if you’ve never owned the original old school Casio Casio G-Shock DW5600E-1V, then you’ve missed out on one of the real pleasures in life. That watch is like a utilitarian Sherman tank, rolling around, kicking ass, blowing up enemy tanks everywhere. And how much does it cost? It costs $46 bucks. It represents absolutely extraordinary value. EXTRAORDINARY value.

…a glimmer of honesty and beauty and truth in this world filled with filth and deception and lies, where almost nothing is real anymore, and where you can no longer take anybody’s word for granted.

For purchases like this- well every single time you look at the object in question, and/or use it, you know that it represents a glimmer of honesty and beauty and truth in this world filled with filth and deception and lies, where almost nothing is real anymore, and where you can no longer take anybody’s word for granted.

OK, so that’s the tendency in man to get excited when they’ve found something representing good value. Now remember, this is a blog post where we’re supposed to be honest with ourselves. This means that it is now time for us to discuss an opposite and opposing, shameful tendency in man. That’s the tendency which man has, to sometimes, inexplicably, look for exciting new ways to… to… to take it in the ass. Yes, to take it in the ass, to take it right in the ass, deep up in the ass. By which I mean, to pay too much for stuff when we know very damn well it isn’t worth the price, and can’t possibly be worth the price. To get gouged.

Yes, sometimes it seems that we WANT to be gouged.

I deserve it! Really, I do!

The very fact that it’s so clearly and indisputably and ridiculously overpriced seems to be the very thing which gets us so excited. What a romantic indulgence, to overpay like this! What a really nice thing we’re doing for ourselves! Look how very well I’m treating myself, see how I’m going out of my way to indulge myself, with this extravagant, over the top purchase! I deserve it! Really, I do! And I’m going to give it to myself! I’M GOING TO GIVE IT TO MYSELF, RIGHT NOW, RIGHT THIS VERY INSTANT!!!

Oh really? You deserve to take it in the ass? Why? What sins did you commit which landed you in this sorry position, where you feel you deserve to take it in the ass?

No, it’s nothing but total and complete bullshit!!! We’re paying too much, we don’t need to pay this much, the premium we’re paying doesn’t bring us anything more than the right to remind ourselves and advertise to others that we deliberately took it in the ass on this stupid overpriced purchase.

Why, why, why… why do we do this?????? WHY???????? It’s a disgrace. And deep down inside you know it’s a disgrace. We shouldn’t get excited that we’re being gouged. There’s nothing redeeming about being gouged. And yet, unfortunately, men sometimes seem to get excited by the prospect of being gouged.

I’ll admit that it’s taking me an awfully long time to say it, but here it is.

You may know from another blog post on this website (“DE Shaving Bowls and Skuttles- Just Say No”) that I consider fancy shaving bowls and scuttles (or sKuttles?) to be a total and complete waste of money. And you may know on an admittedly unrelated matter that I consider the Bic Medium Point 4 Color Pen to be the most amazing value on the planet earth when it comes to writing instruments. However, today I have something new to say. I’ll admit that it’s taking me an awfully long time to say it, but here it is.

Grapeseed oil is an absolutely AMAZING pre-shaving product. It’s an AMAZING pre-shaving product! I can barely believe how incredible it is! I can barely get over my excitement over the astonishing value that it represents!

I do NOT deserve the credit for this discovery. I try to be an honest man, honest with myself, and honest with others. The credit for this discovery belongs to someone else, a mysterious person whose identity I’m not even sure about- I just know he seems to be located in New York. New York State? Or New York City? I don’t know. But one day I was on amazon.com, trying to learn what my options were for pre-shaving creams, lotions, preparations, whatever. I was looking for something to make my shaves easier, smoother, better. In the past, I have used Proraso pre-shave cream. I did like it, but I thought it was kind of expensive, so I stopped using it after the first jar.

What I was looking around for, instead, was an inexpensive everyday product, which I could us as a pre-shave cream. This is when I found a certain pre-shaving oil. I’M NOT LOOKING TO SCREW ANYONE OVER ON THIS WEBSITE OVER HERE!!! So no, I’m not going to tell you the name of the product I found on that fateful day. That’s not my thing. I’ll just say that it’s marketed as a “premium” pre-shaving oil which makes shaving easy and reduces irritation.

They sell it by the ounce. Guess how much an ounce is? It’s over $11.25. I’m not going to tell you EXACTLY how much it costs per ounce, because that might betray what the product is. So let’s just say it costs more than $11.25 for an ounce of this liquid. Jesus H. Christ, what is this stuff? Angel pee? Over eleven bucks for an ounce? What are they, on crack?

But I said to myself, “just read the reviews Phil- maybe it does AMAZING things.”

I read the first review. A certain guy- the mystery man I mentioned above who appears to be from New York- said:

“A nice product…works as advertised….However, I am a ‘chemist at heart’. I read labels. With that said, I noticed that one of the main ingredients is grape seed oil… Make you own conclusions here…you are smart enough!” (a mystery reviewer on Amazon.com)

Sweet Mother of Jesus Christ, what was this “chemist at heart” talking about?

I became obsessed with “grape seed oil”. What the hell is grape seed oil? Well it’s oil from the seeds of grapes! I didn’t even know grape seeds HAD oil in them. It shows you how ignorant I am, how ignorant I continue to be, and how much I have to learn about life.

I happened to be in Germany at the time that I was undertaking this research. I don’t live in Germany, but I happened to be there at this time. Using Google Translate, I was able to find the following product, but on Amazon’s German website: “Traubenkernöl”, 100ml, for €4.99.

OK. Google Currency Converter says that €4.99 is equal to $5.6108. So, what we have here is the following: the “premium” angel piss costs MORE than $11.25 per ounce of piss. I won’t tell you exactly how much, because I’m not trying to trash anyone’s product. But at the same time I don’t want to take it in the ass, and you shouldn’t take it in the ass either. Anyway one fluid ounce is equal to 29.5735 milliliters. Thus, the premium angel piss, if it came in a 100ml bottle, would cost over $38 bucks. I’m serious about this- do the math yourself if you don’t believe me. So, in conclusion:

Premium angel piss, over $38 bucks for a 100ml bottle. Pure grape seed oil, $5.61, for a 100ml bottle. What are you kidding me over here? Are they serious? ARE WE THAT STUPID???

Why are human beings always trying to stick it to one another in the ass? And why do some men sometimes WANT to take it in the ass? WHY WHY WHY???

Let me try to make a long story short, even though at this point it’s probably too late…

Let me try to make a long story short, even though at this point it’s probably too late to make this long story short. Here goes. I ordered the goddamn grape seed oil, for €4.99, from Amazon’s German website. The stuff was delivered ahead of schedule, but no surprise there- I was in Germany! In Germany, stuff works. Stuff works better than you would ever even believe it could ever possibly work. There’s a reason one million migrants are ditching Syria and trying to sneak into Germany- they’re not going for the pork schnitzel or brat. They’re sneaking into Germany because in Germany, stuff works. That’s a far cry from the disgusting thieving dysfunctional ultra-violent catastrophes which pose as “governments” in the Middle East. Anyway the grape seed oil arrived ahead of schedule in Germany.

I dropped five small droplets of the grape seed oil into the palm of my left hand. I dipped three fingertips (pointer, middle, and ring) of my right hand into the palm of my left hand, got the oil onto the fingertips of my right hand, and then rubbed the oil into my beard. Then I applied a rich creamy lather using Tabac shaving soap, one of my favorite shaving soaps of all time. I applied the Tabac lather to my face, using an inexpensive brush I purchased a while back, in Amsterdam of all places. I didn’t notice anything different about the way the Tabac lather went on- it went on as usual, no visible changes. But the shave itself felt different! Somehow it felt different! I’m telling you, it really did feel different!

I don’t know how to explain it man! It was almost like there was some luxurious transparent coat enveloping my skin, and protecting it, from the cruel cold blade of the steel razor, as it mercilessly cut through my beard hairs.

After the shave was done, after I had rinsed the lather from my face, I could feel that there was still a very very light thin coat- of what- of what I don’t know. I don’t want to say, “a thin coat of oil”, because that’s not what it felt like. I can’t stand oil, I never use oils or creams, I hate the greasy feeling of all that crap, those creams and lotions and oils which women put on their faces and bodies all the time. This didn’t feel like a coat of oil. It felt more like a thin coat of moisture, staying on the skin of my face- the left overs of the grape seed oil, after shaving, and after rinsing. It was weird.

After shaving everything away, the thin coat of grape seed oil was partly removed, mechanically, by the razor blade itself- but also partly removed by the emulsifying effect of the Tabac lather.

Shaving soap is at the end of the day a soap. A soap emulsifies- I think that means that it breaks up fats and oils and rinses them away. So what happened here was something like this: I had applied a very thin coat of grape seed oil, which happens to be a particularly light, not-so-oily oil. That sunk into the skin, and sat on the surface, and I believe, got into the little hairs, the stubble of my beard, softening the hairs somewhat. After shaving everything away, the thin coat of grape seed oil was partly removed, mechanically, by the razor blade itself- but also partly removed by the emulsifying effect of the Tabac lather. So post shave, all that was left was the lightest, thinnest possible sheet of grape seed oil on the skin of my face. My face did NOT feel greasy, and it did NOT feel oily. It just felt moist, less raw, and somehow less tight, than my face usually feels after a shave.

All this for €4.99, which is equivalent to $5.61, for a 100ml bottle.

UNBELIEVABLE.

This is the one of the most exciting discoveries I’ve made in the world of shaving in the past five years. I am so excited about this stupid grape seed oil. For a totally reasonable price, less than the cost of some latté in Starbucks which is gone in five minutes, I have a bottle of this grape seed stuff which makes my shaves smoother, and leaves my skin feeling more moist, and more healthy. It’s great.

I am really happy to share this with you. If you go get some, and if it works well for you, please add a comment here, or let me know through the contact page. I’d like to know how it works out for you.

Here is the product I’d recommend on the USA’s Amazon website:

Here is a comment someone posted about the product:

“This seems like a good quality oil. However, I prefer an oil with a bit more *weight*, so will get a different kind next time. If you don’t like oil residue on your skin, this is an excellent oil for that. It disappears on my dry skin immediately. This would be excellent for day time application on the face, so you don’t look too oily. That’s what I’m going to use it for.” (a random reviewer on Amazon.com)

You see? This is similar to what I was saying. As far as oils go, it is, apparently, a relatively light oil. This person said they wanted an oil with more weight. Hell, I want an oil with LESS weight! So this stuff would be perfect for me.

In terms of price: $6.77, but that’s not for one ounce, or for 100 milliliters. It’s $6.77 for a 16 ounce bottle! It’s insane. At this rate, this oil would cost $1.43 for a 100 milliliter bottle. Ridiculously inexpensive, when you consider the value it provides. It would cost $1.43 for a 100ml bottle; I paid €4.99 (approximately $5.61), for my 100ml bottle of grape seed oil in Germany; and the premium angel pee is sold at the rate of over $38 bucks for a 100ml bottle.

What kind of totally insane world are we living in?

It [the grape seed oil from Amazon’s US website] would cost $1.43 for a 100ml bottle; I paid €4.99 (approximately $5.61), for my 100ml bottle of grape seed oil in Germany; and the premium angel pee is sold at the rate of over $38 bucks for a 100ml bottle.

In any case, I’d say that my own little 100ml bottle of grape seed oil, which I bought in Germany, is still an outstanding value; however, when you look at this big 16 ounce bottle from Amazon’s American website, the value for double edge shavers is just off the charts. Off the charts. And that fact, that you’re getting such incredibly outstanding value, should give you an added pleasure, every single time you use it, every single time it does its primary job, of enhancing the quality and comfort of your shave.

In closing this post, I want to thank YOU, the reader, for visiting Baby Butt Smooth dot com. Also, thank you for putting up with me. I know that I can be a total pain in the ass sometimes. So I honestly appreciate it, your visiting this website, and your putting up with me.

I also want to thank the mystery man, who studied the ingredients of the expensive angel pee and said, “…I noticed that one of the main ingredients is grape seed oil… Make you own conclusions here…you are smart enough!” He is the one who really deserves the credit for this entire blog post about grape seed oil. Thank you, whoever you are. You didn’t have to share that knowledge with other people, but you did, and I definitely appreciate it. I hope others will appreciate it too.

Kind regards,

Phil

2 replies
  1. Marc Jackson
    Marc Jackson says:

    Olive oil?

    I wonder if people analyse cars and motorbikes as you do a pre-shave?

    Men have fancy vehicles and do they get the attention that this blog can give.

    If not then time to go buy a Yamaha R1!

    Reply
  2. Val
    Val says:

    I found this article very interesting. I use myself grape seed oil as make-up remover and it is 100% better than any crap found in supermarket.
    With grape seed oil, just 1 drop is enough to clean perfectly my eyes.

    Reply

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